


I Think Our Story Needs More Pages

by cobblestaubrey



Series: figure my heart out [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Lesbian AU, oh you know theatre kids, pretty realistic bc i was a theatre nerd and terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24749647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobblestaubrey/pseuds/cobblestaubrey
Summary: Jackie had known she was not getting the lead. Honestly, she didn’t really care. Jackie didn’t do the musical every year for the spotlight, she did it to hang out with her friends for hours every day after school for three months....And because Jan was the lead.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd (mentioned), Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Series: figure my heart out [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792651
Comments: 20
Kudos: 73





	I Think Our Story Needs More Pages

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mess. I just love Jan and Jackie so much and I wanted to write, so I wrote it, didn’t check it over, and I’m posting it. The pacing? Whack. The general direction? Whack. The ending? Whack. Here you go, sorry LOL

Jackie had known she was _not_ getting the lead. She wouldn't even get a secondary role. She knew going into this that she was going to stand in the background of every scene, gasp when told, and say one line halfway through the musical that the director threw in to make Jackie feel special.

It wasn't that that Jackie wasn't talented. It wasn't that Jackie didn’t _know_ she was talented, either. However, there were sixty-three girls in her high school’s drama club and fifteen boys. After not getting a single role the first three years of her high school experience, Jackie had known it was statistically improbable that she ever would.

Honestly, she didn’t really care. Jackie didn’t do the musical every year for the spotlight, she did it to hang out with her friends for hours every day after school for three months. 

And because Jan was the lead. 

Jan had been the only freshman girl to get a call back four years ago. This meant that Jan was dubbed “ _The_ Freshman Girl”, which at Andre Charles High, meant that she was going to be the lead her senior year. 

And she was, because it was statistically inevitable. Jackie loved to run the numbers, and she was never wrong. Jan was going to be the lead, just like how Jackie was going to sing the alto line during the chorus of _Skid Row_. 

Yeah, _Little Shop of Horrors_ her senior year seemed a little anticlimactic, because every school had done it at some point, but seeing Jan walk into school with more than half a foot of her cut off just so she didn’t have to wear a wig for the musical made Jackie’s heart race. She knew the blonde was a little too dedicated to the drama club, but Jan looked damn good with her hair shorter, and even better in the outfits they had been picking out for her throughout the months leading up to the musical.

Jan played a perfect Audrey, with her light, airy soprano voice that easily turned into an emotional, heart wrenching belt at the end of _Suddenly, Seymour_. 

And Jackie had to watch for three months as Jan stole the show completely.

It wasn’t until their first tech rehearsal that someone finally spoke to Jackie about it. 

Gigi was, obviously, not happy at first that Jan was cast as Audrey over her, but she had to admit that Jan pulled it off. Sure, Gigi fit the role physically, with her already short, blonde hair and skinny body, but she conceded that Jan just fit the range better. Emotionally, and vocally. 

Once Gigi had gotten over it, she became much easier to be around, and her and Jackie began talking while they got ready together. Jackie had known Gigi almost the entirety of high school, but their respective friend groups never interacted, so they didn’t either. Jackie didn’t know much about the blonde, and Gigi could say the same.

Up until the musical, when Gigi learned a thing or two about Jackie, including her _thing_ for the lead actress. 

Jackie had been watching in the wing of the theatre as Jan sang _Somewhere That’s Green_ , tears welling up in the brunette’s eyes. She wasn’t one to get emotional over a song (or most things, if she’s being honest), but there was something so sad in those lyrics, and so heartbreaking in the way Jan sang it. 

She watched silently, until a finger snapped in front of her face, and she jumped, squeaking a little. 

“Gigi, what the Hell?” 

The blonde only laughed, shaking her head. “Calm down, Seymour.”

Jackie rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “I'm not impressed, Goode. That nickname doesn't bite, and it doesn’t make any sense, either.”

“Sure it does. You want all up on Audrey, but can’t grow the balls to tell her.”

Jackie sputtered, eyes wide, darting around. No one else looked as though they had heard Gigi, but Jackie didn’t want to take any chances. She took the blonde’s arm, dragging her into the hall outside the theatre. “You can’t just say things like that in front of everyone!”

Gigi scoffed, smirking. “I don’t think anyone would be surprised, anyway.” Jackie only stared back, still angry. Gigi internally rolled her eyes, putting her hand on Jackie’s arm. “Look, I get it, people can judge. But being gay isn’t an issue here, especially in drama.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. Pretty sure everyone already knows I’m a raging lesbian. I’m literally the Vice President of the Gay Straight Alliance,” Jackie started, looking to the right and biting her lip. “It’s just, we’ve got, what? Five months left until we’re all off to college, at _most_. There’s no point in starting anything or even trying with her, just for her to leave.”

“Yeah, but, something tells me this isn’t something that’s just happened in the last months, is it?” Gigi raised an eyebrow, challenging Jackie. 

The brunette sighs, looking down. “I’ve liked her for _years_. Or, admired her, or something. But, yeah, _years_. I’ve lasted this long without going for it, I can last a couple more months.”

Gigi crossed her arms, furrowing her eyebrows. “That’s even more reason to do it. You cannot go off to college, wishing you had said something.”

“This isn’t a teen drama, Gigi. Some hallway pep talk isn’t going to convince me to go after her.”

“Jackie, don’t think for a damn second I don’t know you’re both going to college in New York City.”

That was when Jackie started regretting talking about her acceptance online. To be fair, when she found out she had gotten into NYU for biochemistry, she _freaked_ , and could not resist talking about it. 

Especially when she knew that Jan had gotten into Juilliard.

Juilliard! That school had a _six percent_ acceptance rate. Statistically, Jan should _not_ have gotten in. 

Jackie knew that Jan wasn’t a statistic, though. Jan was energy and empathy and ambition. Jan had singing coaches and dance instructors and did theater the entire year, through the summer, through the fall, through the spring. She sang in choir during school and after school, she took music theory and taught herself perfect pitch. 

Jan deserved everything she had gotten, and Jackie needed to stop _thinking_ about Jan, because the smirk on Gigi’s face said everything.

“How far away is she?” Gigi asked, and Jackie refused to answer. “How far?”

“I don’t know.”

“ _Jackie_.”

“... An hour walk-”

“An hour _walk_?” Gigi threw up her hands, clearly exasperated with her friend. 

“She’s just across Hell’s Kitchen.” 

“Yeah, and you’re gonna say she’s just gone, once this is all over? You could literally share an apartment together between the two schools, that’s how close you are!”

Jackie would be lying if she said she didn’t have that fantasy where they lived together during college twice a week, but she wasn’t going to _admit_ that.

Gigi softened, putting her arms to her side. “Why are you so scared?”

Jackie shrugged, reaching her hand up to rub at her other arm. “I’ve spent four years doing _this,_ " she gestured aimlessly. "Liking _her_. I haven’t dated anyone, and this is one of my first crushes _ever_. If we try, and it fails, that’s four years of doing nothing for _nothing_. What if she doesn’t live up to expectations?”

“What expectations are there even, Jackie?”

“I don’t even know! I don’t even know what I want in a relationship or in a girl. I’m so inexperienced, I don’t want to mess this up.”

Gigi lets out a high pitched huff, shrugging. “There’s not really anything else to say, Jackie. You can live in fear, or you can get your girl. Just do what will make you happy.”

“Is that how you got Crystal?”

The blonde smiled. “You really didn't think Crystal would make the first move?”

“Um, no, I didn’t.”

Gigi barks out a laugh. “I may have flirted first, but Crystal gets what she wants. Could learn a thing or two.” She sang the last part, walking back into backstage after giving Jackie a pointed look. 

Jackie huffed and turned away from the door, but the sound of it closing never came. She turned back around, seeing Jan in the doorway, slowly closing the door so as to not make a sound. Jackie could hear the sound of _Suppertime_ through the thick walls, and swallowed hard as she looked back at Jan. 

“Hey.” Jan said, and for someone with such a loud, powerful voice, Jackie thought she sounded pretty shy at the moment. 

“Hi.” Jackie responded, almost breathlessly. She had so much she didn’t want to say, so much she had kept hidden, so much she didn’t know how Jan would react to. “You sounded amazing out there.”

Jan blushed just a little, which confused Jackie to no end. Surely the girl had been receiving compliments that simple her whole life? “Thanks, Jacks.”

Jackie hated being awkward. She felt like her whole life was about trying to figure out what to say next, and she was sick of it. She wanted to say something, something that would light a fire in the blonde’s heart. Jackie wasn’t very bold, or impulsive, and she didn’t think she was very charming (even though she was, to anyone who mattered), but she wanted to be. Jan made her want to act on these thoughts, even if she shouldn’t. 

“Congratulations,” she finally said, and Jan only cocked her head to the side. “I saw you got into Juilliard.” 

Jan beamed at her, and Jackie felt her heart stutter. “Thank you! I am so unbelievably happy.”

Jackie nodded back, unable to resist mirroring the blonde’s smile. “Yeah, understandably. You honestly deserve it, you’re amazing.”

Jan’s smile turned toothy, and she looked down at the ground, before looking back up and catching Jackie’s eye once more.

Okay, Jackie _hated_ _TikTok_ , but she _had_ watched one on the “art of flirting”, and she swore that looking down and then up while smiling was flirting, right? That’s what all the _TikToks_ said.

Was Jan _flirting_ with her? No, no way! But if she was, then, what could Jackie do? This wasn’t the first time they had talked by a long shot, but it was the first time where they were alone, and Jackie knew she had to do _something_. With their senior year coming to an end, prom, graduation, and the summer packing and getting ready for college, this may be one of the last times Jackie has before it’s too late. 

She didn’t think she would actually go through with this, but she saw every day how happy Gigi and Crystal were. She wanted that. She wanted to fall in love, and if she could fall in love with Jan, that would be swell. 

“I saw you got into NYU.” Jan finally spoke again, interrupting Jackie from her thoughts.

Damn, Jackie needed to stop being so caught up in her own head. 

“Yeah, I did. I was honestly pretty shocked, but I did it.” Jackie shrugged, trying to play it cool. It wasn’t cool, though, because Jackie knew she wasn't cool.

“We’ll be pretty close, then, yeah?” 

Of course Jackie knew this. Jackie just had a whole conversation about this. Jackie was done with small talk, there was no time for it. When did she start skipping important things to get to the good stuff? What happened to ‘the journey is as important as the destination?’ Jackie didn’t know, but she knew that once she was set on something, she was going through with it. 

“Yeah, really close. Close enough to go on a date, and the travel expenses would be less than the meal.”

What?

_What?_

_‘Close enough to go on a date, and-’ how was that a good line? Jackie had an A in AP English, and still somehow strung together the most idiotic sentence she had ever heard._

Jan stared at her, and Jackie stared back, mouth open. “I… I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”

Jan stared for a second longer, before laughing, her shoulders shaking. “Don’t be sorry. That is the weirdest way I think I’ve ever been asked out. Was that you asking me out?” Jan sounded confident, but Jackie could see the hesitation, the fear that she was misinterpreting this whole scenario. 

“Yes. About five months in advance, it sounds like.” 

Jan laughed again, and somehow, Jackie making a fool out of herself had never sounded so great. 

“That’s a long time to wait, don’t you think?” 

“I’ve waited four years already.” Jackie let slip with a shrug, and she wanted to slap herself. She needed to stop word vomiting in front of this beautiful girl.

Jan’s mouth dropped a little in surprise. “Four years?”

Jackie sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. “I want to stop saying stupid things, but I feel like I can’t around you.” 

“I don’t think you’re being stupid, I think you’re just being brave.” 

Jackie hated the word brave. Brave was what people called her when she wore rainbow pins on her shirt. She didn’t want to be brave, she just wanted to be herself. 

She doesn’t mind it right now, though, because at least that meant she wasn’t an idiot in Jan’s eyes.

“Brave?”

Jan nodded, putting a hand on Jackie’s arm. Gigi had literally just done the same thing to Jackie five minutes earlier, but somehow she could feel the weight of Jan’s touch so much more. She felt her whole body buzzing. “Yeah, it’s nice to hear something so honest, especially in high school.”

Jackie was definitely confused at this point. She couldn’t tell if Jan was building this up to reject this crap out of her, and was just trying to make Jackie feel better, or if Jan returned these weird, long overdue feelings Jackie had. 

Jackie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, I’ve never seen the point in being anyone else.” 

“I like it.” Jan smiled. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

There was a pause, and suddenly Jackie took in a breath. “I think you’re beautiful, and lovely, and- and smart, and so kind. I want to take you out before we go to New York.” 

In terms of everything, ever, bravery was stupid and usually didn’t turn out well. Statistically, Jackie and Jan were not going to work out, and Jackie was starting something that would only hurt in the end. 

But Jackie could not give less of a damn about statistics when Jan squeezed the brunette’s arm, smiling. “I’d love that.”

“Really?” Jackie let her insecurities show for just a moment, and watched the way Jan sort of scoffed. 

“Uh, _duh_. You’re the VP of the GSA, Salutatorian, and that dark, curly hair? To _die_ for.” Jan smirked, lifting her hand from Jackie’s arm to touch a lock of the brunette’s hair. 

“Wait, I don’t…” Jackie trailed off, furrowing her brow. 

Jan snorted. “Jackie, you’re a little oblivious. I’ve been trying to talk to you forever! You’re such a cutie.” 

Jackie had a little moment, then, where every memory of Jan came flooding back to her, analyzing every stare and look, and realizing that as much as she had been attracted to Jan, she had been pulling away to protect herself.

For _years._

“Well, now I feel like more of an idiot,” was all Jackie could say in that moment, causing Jan to bark out another laugh. 

“Yeah, but now you can make it up to me by paying for my meal after the show on Saturday.” 

“Oh yeah, is that the date?” Jackie raised an eyebrow, and Jan sent a similar look back. 

“No, but you’ll get to sit next to me for a good hour and a half with the rest of the club.” 

“So I’m paying for my spot next to you?”

“Hey, one day people will be paying a lot more just to sit in the front row.”

Jackie can’t help but laugh at the blonde’s obvious faux-cockiness, nodding. “Can’t argue with that, hotshot. Can I take you out the week after, then? Just the two of us, and not while fifty other theater kids yell across the room to each other?” 

Jan nodded, and two could only smile at each other before the backstage door essentially slammed open. 

“You two! Stop making out, Jan needs to be on stage like, _now_!” Gigi yelled, and Jan’s eyes went wide, causing her to rush through the door. 

Gigi and Jackie stayed where they were though, the blonde sending Jackie the smarmiest smirk she could. 

“What was that about my pep talk not working?”

“Shut up.”

“It totally worked.”

_“Shut up.”_

“ _I’m a genius~_ ” 

“ _Gigi,_ so help me God!”


End file.
